Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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