Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
so much tequila, so little girl.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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