are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
