Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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