is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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