i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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