i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
