Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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