i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
