I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
