Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
