We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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