o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
