dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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