I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
