you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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