he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
