i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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