remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
