It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
