hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
