im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
PANTIES FOUND
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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