This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
operation have a gay friend backfired
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
