I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
