My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize