He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
