I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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