I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
