My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
