Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
