I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
