omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
