maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
