do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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