Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he thought i was a dude.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
