dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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