omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
