I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There r osticjed everywhere
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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