Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
