I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
