she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
