Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize