I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
