I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
