I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
