it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
