I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
