How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
