I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
