i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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