Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
