had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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