I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
