remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
