she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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