My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
