he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
