I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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