What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
