Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
