my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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