all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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