I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
