i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
