I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
