I smell stomach acid.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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