Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
